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Thursday, 16 October 2014

Humour Crime Story

Hello Everyone,

Yesterday during a walk home I was inspired to write an imaginative humorous article of a real-life crime incident.

Here it goes...

Today a man was found at 9.05am with serious neck and leg injuries. Although no one could believe that actual story behind the incident that looked as if a serious crime had been committed.

At 8.05am the victim awoke to his usual morning routine. He brushed his teeth, had a shower, fed his dog and made his morning fuel of coffee and toast. Not long after came shaving time. He would shave every week first thing on a Monday morning, but to his surprise he found his razor would not work. He tried to improvise and use a blade from the razor but it soon slipped from his fingers, losing its life down the plug hole. Then the man had an epiphany. Without further instruction from himself, he made his way towards the kitchen and picked up the butter knife he had just used on his toast, before retreating back to the bathroom. He matted his face with Gillette shaving cream and slowly scraped his beard off with the blade. When he had finished his face looked clean enough so he didn't bother to wash it afterwards.

He left the house at exactly 8.55am on the dot as always, as he began his five minute journey to work. He was a punctual man and was never late. What he didn't count on was the flock of birds that flew directly at him and began to peck at his neck. You see when he didn't bother to wash his face he actually left behind a number of crumbs that made their way down onto his collar and neckline. The birds pecked and pecked, as he tried to pull them off. Until he fell over hitting his leg with a force so hard that his bone snapped in half. With his bone peaking out of his skin the man let out a shrieking wail of pain. The birds flew away leaving him laying on the path half eaten and demobilized.

At exactly 9am his manager decided to walk to his house, to find out why he hadn't turned into work, when he stumbled upon a body laying on the ground covered in blood. He instinctively called an ambulance and the police.

The police report said: Knife wounds to the neck and leg bashed in- victim of assault.

Thanks for reading,

Louise Lake.

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